If You're Tired of Starting Over Then Stop Giving Up

Well, hello 2017 Motto!

I remember like it was yesterday talking with my grandma Jeri about my weight loss. It was over Thanksgiving of 2014 in California. We were talking about eating the right foods, exercising and the way it changes people. There was something about my grandma telling me every morning afternoon and night how good I looked that made me so proud. It made every early morning, long workout, sore muscle and exhausted everything worth it. A lot of people complimented me during and after my 40 lb weight loss, and man, if I could bottle up those feelings that I felt EACH and EVERY time I heard it, I'd be set on compliments for life. It. Felt. So. Good! I never did it for the recognition, but it sure felt nice to for others to acknowledge the hard work that goes into it. I remember telling her I felt way too good, I'd never go back to how I was before. And I meant it! I felt AMAZING! I was in a maintenance phase with my weight loss and I was keeping the weight off, still living life, eating clean for the most part but having at least a few cheat meals here and there, and working out at least 5x a week. I knew how it felt to feel awful and now I knew how it felt to feel fit and healthy and happy. No WAY was I going back! And then when my brother came home from his mission, I was SO excited for him to see me in person. He had seen pictures and said a few things over email, but I'll never forget how happy it made me as we were walking out of the restaurant the night he got home and he said 'so how much weight did you lose?' Ya know how people say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? These were two of those moments for me. 

January 1, 2015. The day I found out I was pregnant. MOTIVATION!

I actually was at near my lowest at my 8 week pregnancy appointment. I had gone up and down about 5 lbs but was right in the ideal range for my height. I was SO happy to know I'd be starting off my pregnancy extra healthy. And I truly attribute my amazing pregnancy to being the healthiest I had ever been in my life. Jake and I were getting up at 3:45 am to hit the gym by 4:15 at least 3 days a week. During my FIRST trimester! ya know, the extra tired one?! It was amazing how good I felt. I told my doctor I was really concerned about weight gain and he told me the range he'd like me to stay in and I knew I could do it. 30 lbs, that was pretty average for pregnancy and I was excited that he told me I had that much I could gain. I figured he'd want me even less. I was focused on a healthy babe, and not the pounds, but I had worked too hard to just let myself go just because I was pregnant. I actually did great until about 8 months. Then the weight was coming on a little faster than I wanted. But I had worked out consistently until about 7 1/2 months. It got a little harder, and it was hot out. So I decided to let my body rest. I still ate pretty well for the most part, I didn't have many cravings, but by the end the weight added up anyway. I ended up gaining 42 lbs, and though it was more than I wanted, I also felt pretty good and knew that it wasn't because I let myself go. My body just did what it needed to do to get a healthy babe here. I was more than okay with it.

After I delivered I didn't dare weigh myself. I wish so badly I had, just to see where I was. I remember the first time I did, Hank was about 3 1/2 months old. We were in our new house and I was terrified to step on the scale. Most of my pre pregnancy pants fit, tight, but they fit. I was still scared. I stepped on anyway and was pleasantly surprised to see I had dropped 31 of the 42 lbs! I was breastfeeding and starving and though I kept pretty active between a newborn and packing and moving, I knew if I cleaned up my diet even a little bit, I'd drop that last 11 easily. 

January 2016

And that's when I got cocky. It was January and from then through March I did start working out a bit more but didn't change my diet. I would take Hank on walks on days it wasn't too cold, and did a few weights here and there. I cleaned up my eating, but still snacked a LOT. I hit 7lbs above that 8 week appointment weight mid March. I was ecstatic! My body looked and felt much softer, but the weight was coming off and I knew I could tone up with a little cardio and more weights. And then, I didn't. We went to St George for Kailee's dance competition and I felt pretty dang good in a swimsuit. I wasn't uncomfortable, or embarrassed. I wasn't near where I wanted to be, but I was headed in the right direction. I ate to my hearts content while we were there. Hello, vacation foods! And then, it didn't stop. 

March 2016

I came home, and continued eating like I was on vacation, minus a healthy few meals here and there up through a few days ago. I'm mortified and embarrassed to say that I'm just about 10-12 lbs shy of when I delivered. :( I could have cried yesterday when I stepped on that scale. HOW did this happen?! HOW could I let myself do this? After all that hard work, keeping it off during pregnancy, and getting down so close to my goal weight just 9 months ago? How am I going to do this again?! I felt so discouraged and just wanted to bawl. Mostly because it's overwhelming to think about all the time and work ahead. It took me 9 months last time. 9 months of consistency, 9 months of passing on foods I love and 9 months of HARD HARD work. Am I really ready for this? Granted when I started I really had no idea what kinds of food to eat. I thought if I ate less it would work. Or if I ate more salads. Only problem is, less is not always better, sometimes it's worse! And don't get me started on salads! To eat a healthy one, you basically can't have cheese or dressing, at least not the kinds I like! And then there is the croutons!! ha ha. It took me MONTHS to realize that a Caesar salad was NOT healthy! ;) I'm hoping since I know now what it takes, it will come off a little faster. 

This picture was taken in November, 2016. Never made it to social media, because well.. I look fat. Reality right here.

I do know that doing it the RIGHT way is not quick. It's not a pill or a wrap or a shake. It's clean eating and moving your body. I know what my body responds to now, so at least I have that going for me. I know it's going to take some cardio, but more importantly it's going to take weights. Heavier than I'm comfortable with. It's going to take early mornings and MAKING time. Time won't find me, I have to find it. And now that I'm a full time mom, time isn't as easy to find. BUT, I know just in these last 2 days, when I get up just an hour earlier and have that hour to myself, in a dark and quiet house, I'm a better mommy. I have more time than I ever realized before, just by starting a routine. GETTING my butt out of bed and MOVING! It's slow, and way harder than I remember, but I've done it and already felt better! By the time Hank woke up today, I had done T25 Cardio, drank my ACV drink, made and drank a cup of coffee and started blogging. I then was able to start work (at 6 am) and get a few statements started. All by getting up just ONE hour earlier! And I slept SO good last night too, my body was tired and it felt so nice to go to sleep without a belly ache! 

My routine is simple but there have been a few changes I've made that feel really good. I'm going to put it out there not because it works for everyone, or anyone really, but to hold myself accountable. I'll be able to read back and remember that even when it's hard to set that Monday morning alarm on Sunday nights, that it makes a WORLD of difference during my day and week. I'm a better mom, wife and employee because I'm MAKING this work. I make my day, my day doesn't make me. Man, it feels good to have a little control again! SO many things in my life are out of my control, but my schedule, my foods and my workouts are 100% on me. And thank you, baby Hank for sleeping through the night FINALLY! We're on night 8 of no wake ups. Ladies and gentlemen, in his 16 months of life he's slept through the night 3 nights in a row TWICE until this point. TWICE. And probably slept completely through the night a total of less than 15 times. To have 8 nights in a row is LIFE CHANGING! I told Jake this morning, had he slept like this at 4 months-ish when MOST babies do, we'd have another one on the way! ;) ha ha. He wasn't amused and mumbled something about packing bags ;) Anyway, babies who sleep are more loved, judge me! Until you've been sleep deprived for almost 2 years (with pregnancy) I don't want your opinion! I'll go to my grave saying that sleep deprivation is the worst thing I've ever been forced to do. I truly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. There were days and nights I literally was in tears and near losing my shit. There were days and nights I lost my shit completely. All because I was so. freaking. tired. So Hank, THANK YOU for finally joining this sleep party! It's pretty great, isn't it?! Annnnnd now back to my schedule! Sorry about that! We're pretty stoked about the sleep thing going on at our house!!

5:00 am - wake up - get dressed, start coffee and downstairs to work out

5:45 am - drink my ACV drink (gag), pour a cup of Joe and head upstairs to my office, start blog, check bank statements, personal email etc.

6:00 am - wake Jake, log into work and begin my work day.

6:30 am-ish - Hank wakes up and the juggling begins!

Until 3:00 pm the rest of my day consists of keeping a 16 month old occupied and fed, working statements, emails, and throwing in laundry or whatever other housework can fit. 

On day's I don't have Hank I get more done than I do the rest of the week! I've gotten pretty good at juggling the work and home duties on those days. During my lunch break or slow times I clean out closets, or clean bathrooms, etc. Yesterday (Hank was at Grandmas) I was able to plow through my work, and then during lunch clean bathrooms, kitchen and vacuum and sweep and mop my downstairs. And in between work stuff do 4 loads of laundry. After work I blogged and created my vision board while waiting for Jake and Hank to get home. I even shoveled the driveway! Yesterday was a good day.

Once Jake got home, I started some more meal prep and then we headed down to the basement to do some weights. Hank played and watched Baby Einsteins while we got our workout in. After, Jake headed to the gym in our neighborhood to get his cardio done and Hank and I played trucks and read books. It was SUCH a good night! I felt like a good mommy and like my time with Hank was well spent! That felt really good. After dinner and putting Hank to bed around 7:30 Jake and I got to snuggle and watch one of our shows (Shooter- SO good!). All of this because of a schedule!! 

Let me tell you a little about my days previous to setting a schedule. They started at 5:54 am when my alarm would go off for the 3rd time. I'd get up, drag my sleepy butt to my office and log into work. I'd go down and if I was lucky, I'd have coffee made and a cup poured before the monster woke up. And then it was off to the races. But instead of doing chores or laundry or something productive while I tried my best to occupy him during breaks or lunches, I'd put the tv on in the background and snack. ALL DAY LONG. This is embarrassing, but there were days I'd catch up on 5-6 episodes of whatever. Damn Netflix ;). And I'd get ready about an hour before Jake came home from work. Then, because I felt like crap about MYSELF, I'd be short or snippy with him when it came to taking care of Hank. Then we'd go to sleep, and repeat. My break days (Hank at grandma's) I'd cram in all the work and chores possible and then they'd come home and I'd be exhausted because, ya know.. I did stuff! ;)  

To start off this year and this new schedule, Hank will be going to my mother in law's on Tuesdays and to the daycare down the street on Thursdays. We started daycare about 2 months ago, but he's only been ONCE! So ONE time in my 14 months working from home, have I had 2 days a week to get stuff done. I work FULL time, so to have the time to focus without a million interruptions is pretty awesome! This gives me time to be more productive and take on more work. It gives me time to get my house chores done, etc. It gives me a break, okay! ha ha. Listen, stay at home mom's, I don't know HOW you do it! I am not built that way, I get antsy or incredibly lazy. It takes a LOT of discipline to get up and get your stuff done, get ready, etc. when you don't HAVE to be anywhere at a certain time. I also understand the TREMENDOUS heartache it must be for you working mama's who have to drop your babies off to work 40 hours a week! Again, all hard! Just different hards!

I feel like I've now officially laid it all out there. I've said ALL the embarrassing things my soul can handle for one day! ;) Mostly, I want this blog to hold me accountable too!

I created a vision board for this year. For those of you who don't know what that is, look it up on Pinterest. Pretty amazing deal! I love how mine turned out. It's motivating and inspiring and keeps me focused on short term AND long term goals. 

I think I've blabbed enough today. I do quickly want to say thanks for all the kind words of encouragement yesterday. I was blown away by the people who read and related in some way. That's exactly what I was hoping for! Thanks for letting my 'out' be something that helps you too! It makes my day!

To schedules, routines and breaks for mamas! 

xoxo,

Lacy