Thursday, March 29, 2012

Compared to What?

Going in a little bit different direction today..

I had a conversation with Jamie this morning about our new lifestyles.. Exercising, being conscious of the foods we eat, counting calories, weight training, etc. At one point I said that I had just recently been able to run a full mile without stopping. But when I said it, it came out a little more like this "only a mile, but that’s a LOT for me. I’m not a runner". Basically, I took something that I was extremely proud of, and compared it to what others can do and made it seem like much less of an accomplishment. Made an excuse for why it was ONLY a mile.. Made it seem small, like no big deal, just a mile type thing. Our converstation ended, and I sat down and couldn’t help but think.. just two short months ago, I hadnt set foot in a gym for close to a year. I certainly hadn’t ran as far as a block, let alone a mile. I was in the WORST shape of my life and the word gym made me have a little throw up in the back of my mouth.. Bascially, I was lazy and tired and reaaaallly out of shape. But how did I so quickly forget that I started the couch to 5k program, and the short one minute runs inbetween 2 minutes of walking nearly made me croak over and die? It was SO hard.Of course, over time, my endurance grew, I started running regularly, feeling the benefits.. and now, my day isn’t complete without some type of cardio work out.. Dammit, I ran a WHOLE mile without stopping!! I’m proud of myself!
So.. back to my point.. Isn’t it funny how we spend so much time and focus "comparing to" something/one else? Even if we don’t mean to. Even if that’s not what we are trying to do.. it sort of just happens.. I have tried really hard in the last 2 years to look for more of the positive. To look at the way I view things and how I let things affect me, rather than blame a person or a situation. Really think about how good I have it in the large perspective. Spent a few hours this morning contemplating it all.. really has put life into perspective again, thought I'd share..

I don’t feel well. I was out 2 days last week with a MAJOR migraine. It was TERRIBLE, the worst pain.. I was down for 2 days. Missed work, didn't shower, could hardly even open my eyes. I was miserable. Compared to what? My uncle Cory battling cancer and chemo therapy for the last 6 months? One of my best friends two little ones battling every day for their lungs to just work properly? People suffering every day from terminal illness? Cancer? Injury? The list goes on and on. Though the migraine was very painful, I am SO lucky that 48 hours later, I was up and at em and tackling the world again. I am so blessed.

I am so tired. I swear.. doesn’t matter if I sleep a full 8 hours.. when my alarm goes off at 4:45 am every Monday-Friday, I feel like punching it. I am SO tired. I don’t want to get out of my warm bed or leave my husband for the day. I want three more hours of sleep and cuddle time. I want to wake up when I’m ready to wake up, dammit. Compared to what? The mommy who’s little one was up all night sick? The person working graveyard on his 2nd shift of the day? I am not tired. I am up and ready for work. Even if it takes a caffeine pill.. I am up.. I am so blessed.

I don’t want to go to work. I hate waking up so early, sitting at a desk job all. day. long, looking at numbers, bugging people to fix this and do that, being at beckon call for everyone elses’ emergencies, and being underpaid. Compared to what? The homeless man freezing last night because he doesn't have a blanket, let alone a HOME? The husband and father of 4 who lost his job with the recession and has been out of work for the last 3 years and is about to lose his home and all he’s worked for? The 25 year old girl and the kiosk at the mall that I completely ignore every time she asks about my nails. I am pretty dang lucky. I get to come in early so I can leave early every day. I work with the most AMAZING people, and I have a steady paycheck. I love my job.. I am so blessed.

That chick does NOT like me. I can’t win! It doesn’t matter what I do, this girl won’t budge. I have tried and tried to please her, be nice to her, include her. Not working. Compared to what? Someone fake that everyone likes? A lonely person with no friends? THIS girl, who doesn’t like having but one or two friends? No thanks! I am not here to please the world. I am me and I have friends who LOVE me, for that very reason. I don't need to please everyone. In fact, I CAN'T and I don't WANT to. I have the best friends in the world and they are what matters.. I am so blessed.

I wish I could look like that. Ya know, THAT chick.. can eat whatever she wants, never works out.. never sweats or thinks about calories. Perfect legs, bikini bod, perfect boobs, perfectly tanned skin (no moles ;) ), and white teeth. She is 5’ 8" and 115 lbs. I want her body!! Compared to what? The people I watch on The Biggest Loser who have over 200 lbs to lose? The paralyzed young girl who just wants to be able to have legs that work at ANY size? The anorexic that experiences no happiness because all she can think about is food? No thanks! I LOVE my body. The older I get, the more I love it. the few stretch marks on my upper thigh, the pouch I’ve had since I was a kid, my long dorky legs, my long chubby arms and all 5’ 10 1/2 " of me. I love that I’m finally focused on a healthy body and a healthy mind. I love that I FINALY enjoy working out as much as I love food. I love who I am. And I’ve stopped comparing myself to the girl who hasn’t had to work one second in her life for her body. I want MY perfect body. I want to run, sweat, and play with my kids. I want to compare my new body to my old body. Not to some fake, airbrushed, Victoria’s Secret model.

To finish up what turned into a much larger post than planned, I feel like so many of us ‘compare’ our lives to others. Compare our bodies, our minds, our money, our cars, our homes.. everything! We want someone elses life. Why? Because we forget to compare our current selves to our OLD selves. I am better than I was 2 years ago. I am more fit, I have more energy, I have better (and a couple of new) friends, I have had a raise, I have love, I have a family, I have SO many wonderful things!

If you are constantly looking and wishing for the things you DON’T have, you will ALWAYS miss out on the things you DO have.

I LOVE my life! Compared to what? My old one..


Heather said...

Shoot a mile is far! You go girl! I think that as women we always compare ourselves, the only problem is we see everyone at their best and us at our worst! Love this post!

Kenzie Hadley said...

That was beautiful! Congrats on your mile! I remember when I did that, ONCE lol! You inspire me to be a better person :)

The Oliver's said...

Holy cow!!! LOVE THIS!!! I really needed this!!

Aubrey A said...

I agree whole heartedly! I think it's so easy to undervalue ourselves. There's always someone "better" than us. . .or at least that's what the world would have us believe. Congrats on the mile. That's impressive. I started doing the couch to 5k, but it wasn't my cup of tea, so I am thoroughly impressed! You go girl!!