Friday, January 13, 2017

Ready for this Weekend (I think) and When Being a Parent SUCKS!

It's been a GREAT week! Foods have stayed on track, and I woke up EVERY morning at 5:00 am to do my cardio and even did my nightly weights (all but one night), it's been awesome! Food has and always will be my struggle. Trying so hard to train my MIND that eating is to fuel my body, and not to cover anything up. Not that I'm going through anything out of the normal, but not eating because I'm bored, or stressed, or tired. Or basically just because the tv is on! ;) It has been a HUGE difference in my moods, the way I feel and the energy I have! Day 3 I was a little cranky/hungry, but other than that, it's been a dang good week! I lost my appetite last night, which is RARE for me.. Reason to follow, but it's starting to feel good, and that's what keeps me motivated! Hopefully enough to get me through a weekend, where it is easier to slip up. Weighing in and measuring on Monday's does help too! I also entered a DietBet this week! This is my second time doing one, and I'm excited to do it again! It's a pretty simple deal, you 'bet' $35 that you will lose 4% of your body weight in 4 weeks. They provide meal ideas, a Facebook support group, and workout ideas. It's actually really helpful! I 'won' last time and split the pot with all the other winners. I think I ended up with $46 or something close to that! Nothing big (obviously) but I'm not going to spend $35 and NOT lose my 4%, so it's a nice motivator! Plus, they give away some awesome random prizes just for entering! A fit bit, $100 to Lululemon, Visa gift cards, etc. So fingers crossed for me?! I did just realize that the DietBet ends on February 6th. Yep, Superbowl Monday. :( I almost cried. I love Superbowl foods!!! :(

So to why I lost my appetite last night. I watched our 9 year old on FaceTime with tears rolling down her face and her heart breaking in 9 year old fashion, because we had to be a mean parents. By 'mean', I mean we had to follow through with something we told her we'd do. 

What it meant was - no gymnastics meet at BYU tonight, WITH her best friend AND a sleepover at our house after. She's never been able to have a friend over here (from school) because we just don't know them well enough, or our weekends are jam packed with family stuff so an open weekend is pretty rare. Meaning this was extra heartbreaking for all of us. What she did wasn't crazy serious or awful, she's truly such a good kid. But it was something she's had some struggles with, and been given more responsibilities with, and she didn't hold up her end. We had a good talk (all 5 of us) and I think she gets it and I guarantee because we followed through, she will think next time before letting this happen again. Gosh, I love her and her tears break. my. heart. 

After we talked and told her that we had to follow through with what we said and cancel our plans, she text Jake and wanted to know if she could do chores or clean the whole house to earn it back. (ha ha! So sweet). The answer was, and still is, a firm no. See, you can't 'earn' something back, when you were warned what would happen. Though I do love her heart for it, what is the lesson there? What does she learn from this if we say 'okay', let's still go, or if we had her clean a bathroom and take out the trash? NOTHING!

Another hard part is that we genuinely wanted to go too! Her missing out also means US missing out and that sucks! We arranged tickets with some BYU friends of ours, we had plans to do makeovers afterwards, and bring the tv from the basement up to her room, and I took treat and snack requests from these little girls. It was going to be SO much fun! I was personally excited to finally have a sleepover at our house! We were going to make smoothies for breakfast and everything. We had a plan! It hurt every inch of my soul watching her face turn to complete sadness. I wanted SO badly to say 'let me talk to daddy and we'll call you back'. I wanted to give in and have this fun weekend as planned. I wanted to say 'I think she gets it' and drop it. But, I didn't. Jake and I decided that we had to be firm in our answer long before we saw her face, otherwise those tears would have gotten us (and they still almost did). Jake was equally and completely torn up about it. Jason and Angie are amazing, and even though this incident happened at their house, they would have supported us no matter what we decided to do with our plans and we appreciate that so much! It's hard for K living in two homes, even though we parent very similar, there are differences and there are different rules. She has to learn to live by them wherever she is! I know there are some split families out there who this isn't the case for. Kid gets in trouble at moms, and it's off to 'Disneyland Dads' house for the weekend. And the kids who have super strict rules at dad's and run the show at mom's. It's HARD. It's hard on her and it's hard on us. I also found out after a side conversation with Angie (AFTER we had our talk with K) that they told her they weren't going to tell us, and if she felt she needed to, she should call. She did, with no push from them. What an amazing girl she is! And it made it all sting just a little bit more. 

This parenting thing is no joke. I think at least half or more of Jake and I's disagreements (brawls) are over how we'd like to parent. We are ALL different, every mom, every dad, every step parent, has their own way and reasoning's behind how they want to discipline AND reward their kids. Coming together as a couple and agreeing is hard. Now times that by two more parents. It's tough! We are so lucky and blessed to have a good relationship. Kailee is beyond lucky to be loved by so many, but this situation isn't easy. On us or her. There's a LOT more that goes into it than every other weekend. I wished more families could realize that. It's a TEAM effort, it has to be! And it has to be about more than schedules and drop offs. 

In our discussions last night, I asked Jake what the 'pros' would be of giving her another chance. His response was short and quick and hit me like a brick. "she has a fun night and weekend". He's exactly right! THAT'S IT!! She doesn't learn anything and nothing changes in the future because it wasn't HARD. How unfair of us to raise a child, send her into the world and have her think that every mistake she makes can be fixed by doing a few chores, or by saying sorry, or promising it won't happen again. This night will probably suck for her, and I know it will for us as well, but she'll be a better person because of it. After all, we're not raising happy kids, we are raising compassionate, smart, hard working adults. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad to teach these lessons. :(

I hope she looks back on this night someday and doesn't hate us anymore. I hope she learned that when her parents say something, they mean it and she has to respect them even if she doesn't like what they've asked of her. I hope she's more responsible and that someday, she thanks us for TEACHING her things, not just GIVING her things. 


K's Mean Parents

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