Monday, January 9, 2017

First weekend down and a rough start to week 2

Well, our first weekend is in the books! It was about 65% good ;)

Friday - we went to a funeral and ended up having a late dinner. I chose a grilled chicken salad and only ate less than half of the dressing with it. That's a tough one for me! I love my salads, but I love my dressings even more! I felt okay after, mostly because I didn't do as well as I'd hoped during the day. I didn't wake up Friday morning to work out, Hank was up in the night and I was tired. Excuse #1. I went to bed determined to have a better day Saturday.

Saturday- Morning started off early, Hank was up at 6:30 even with going to bed after 10:00 pm. Such is life with this kid! ;) I ate a decent breakfast and then drove to Ogden for lunch and catch up with my girlfriends! It was amazing and I laughed and cried and remembered how much I love them! I remembered why we had remained friends over the past decade (plus) and what knowing sharing stories with people who TRULY care felt like. It has been MONTHS since we had gotten together. It felt like it had been a week! I love them, I love their kids, and their husbands.. Man, good friends are hard to beat! We went to Warren's and I wanted fries BAD. I ended up with a salad and a grilled chicken sandwich. Even left half the bun on my tray. I felt good, but still feel like I'm missing out, and not like I'm making a good choice. I can't wait for that feeling to come back. The one where you don't feel sad you 'can't' have something, you CHOOSE not to? yeah, not quite there yet. I was proud though. Drove home and Jake and I did legs and had a healthy dinner. That was nice! I felt like I won that day! 

Sunday - I freaking LOVE football. I freaking LOVE football foods. I love that we always seem to end up with family watching games. This one was no different. Up to mom's to watch the Steelers vs Dolphins playoff game. Tony is a Fins fan, so at least one of us had a good day! ;) Mom made health(ier) foods and I still overindulged. Not as bad as in the past, but not great either. I did 'okay'. Then it was off to family dinner at Jake's parents where I ate too much again! Again, better than a month ago, but not great. Small victories? 

All in all, it made me more determined to have a good week this week. Especially after weighing in and taking measurements. If I can make a tiny bit of progress with doing 'okay', imagine my progress when I stick with it?! That's exciting!

Measurements for week 1 -
Weight: -1.4 lbs
Inches: -2 3/4 "

Hank has had an AWFUL cough since Saturday night. Started in the middle of the night and has been ROUGH. He has no other symptoms, but coughing your head off in the night sure doesn't help to sleep. It's been an exhausting couple of nights. Like, he was ready for a nap at 7 AM today. Of course, fell asleep for 10 minutes, coughed and woke up grumpy. I bawled with him. I am pretty sure the PMS + exhaustion + frustration of my foods + sore body + PMS(deserves two) I just lost my composure. I bawled and poor sweet boy cried harder because I was crying. His cough literally made my skin crawl. I felt like the worst mom alive. And I just wanted to take it away. I hate having sick babies.

On a positive twist, despite being up at 10:15 (after going to bed at 9:30), again at 2:00 and then at 4:00, I somehow got up at 5:00 and did my cardio. It was the best decision, it changed my entire mood. After I finished I woke up Kailee (yay for school night sleepovers!) and we had an amazing morning! We laughed our butts off (at snapchat filters) while I did her hair and our morning ran about as smooth as a school morning possibly could. I'm telling you,that little lady carries an infectious energy with her! I LOVE my bug time! 

After Jake and Kailee left for work and school, Hank and I began our work day. After we cried it out, the rest of our day went better. He ended up falling asleep FINALLY around 10:30 and slept for 2 hours! Man, we both needed that! I got work and laundry done, and later even got in some weights. It was a nice change from the way this day could have gone!

It's hard to get into a routine with so many variables. It's hard to not let all the excuses that worked before work now. It's hard to not turn my exhaustion into anger and resentment. I'm really bad at that, and Jake takes the brunt of it most of the time. It's HARD to say, screw what happened and the little sleep I got, it's time to crush these goals. It's freaking hard. BUT it's harder feeling like crap. And that little thought got my butt out of bed today! 

Things aren't always happy and good around here. I know we put our highlights on social media, but the truth is, a lot of times I feel like an utter failure. I'm working on turning a bad night into a good day, a rough morning into a good afternoon, and a grumpy Lacy into a positive one. One day at a time.. 


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