First weekend down and a rough start to week 2

Well, our first weekend is in the books! It was about 65% good ;)

Friday - we went to a funeral and ended up having a late dinner. I chose a grilled chicken salad and only ate less than half of the dressing with it. That's a tough one for me! I love my salads, but I love my dressings even more! I felt okay after, mostly because I didn't do as well as I'd hoped during the day. I didn't wake up Friday morning to work out, Hank was up in the night and I was tired. Excuse #1. I went to bed determined to have a better day Saturday.

Saturday- Morning started off early, Hank was up at 6:30 even with going to bed after 10:00 pm. Such is life with this kid! ;) I ate a decent breakfast and then drove to Ogden for lunch and catch up with my girlfriends! It was amazing and I laughed and cried and remembered how much I love them! I remembered why we had remained friends over the past decade (plus) and what knowing sharing stories with people who TRULY care felt like. It has been MONTHS since we had gotten together. It felt like it had been a week! I love them, I love their kids, and their husbands.. Man, good friends are hard to beat! We went to Warren's and I wanted fries BAD. I ended up with a salad and a grilled chicken sandwich. Even left half the bun on my tray. I felt good, but still feel like I'm missing out, and not like I'm making a good choice. I can't wait for that feeling to come back. The one where you don't feel sad you 'can't' have something, you CHOOSE not to? yeah, not quite there yet. I was proud though. Drove home and Jake and I did legs and had a healthy dinner. That was nice! I felt like I won that day! 

Sunday - I freaking LOVE football. I freaking LOVE football foods. I love that we always seem to end up with family watching games. This one was no different. Up to mom's to watch the Steelers vs Dolphins playoff game. Tony is a Fins fan, so at least one of us had a good day! ;) Mom made health(ier) foods and I still overindulged. Not as bad as in the past, but not great either. I did 'okay'. Then it was off to family dinner at Jake's parents where I ate too much again! Again, better than a month ago, but not great. Small victories? 

All in all, it made me more determined to have a good week this week. Especially after weighing in and taking measurements. If I can make a tiny bit of progress with doing 'okay', imagine my progress when I stick with it?! That's exciting!

Measurements for week 1 -
Weight: -1.4 lbs
Inches: -2 3/4 "

Hank has had an AWFUL cough since Saturday night. Started in the middle of the night and has been ROUGH. He has no other symptoms, but coughing your head off in the night sure doesn't help to sleep. It's been an exhausting couple of nights. Like, he was ready for a nap at 7 AM today. Of course, fell asleep for 10 minutes, coughed and woke up grumpy. I bawled with him. I am pretty sure the PMS + exhaustion + frustration of my foods + sore body + PMS(deserves two) I just lost my composure. I bawled and poor sweet boy cried harder because I was crying. His cough literally made my skin crawl. I felt like the worst mom alive. And I just wanted to take it away. I hate having sick babies.

On a positive twist, despite being up at 10:15 (after going to bed at 9:30), again at 2:00 and then at 4:00, I somehow got up at 5:00 and did my cardio. It was the best decision, it changed my entire mood. After I finished I woke up Kailee (yay for school night sleepovers!) and we had an amazing morning! We laughed our butts off (at snapchat filters) while I did her hair and our morning ran about as smooth as a school morning possibly could. I'm telling you,that little lady carries an infectious energy with her! I LOVE my bug time! 

After Jake and Kailee left for work and school, Hank and I began our work day. After we cried it out, the rest of our day went better. He ended up falling asleep FINALLY around 10:30 and slept for 2 hours! Man, we both needed that! I got work and laundry done, and later even got in some weights. It was a nice change from the way this day could have gone!

It's hard to get into a routine with so many variables. It's hard to not let all the excuses that worked before work now. It's hard to not turn my exhaustion into anger and resentment. I'm really bad at that, and Jake takes the brunt of it most of the time. It's HARD to say, screw what happened and the little sleep I got, it's time to crush these goals. It's freaking hard. BUT it's harder feeling like crap. And that little thought got my butt out of bed today! 

Things aren't always happy and good around here. I know we put our highlights on social media, but the truth is, a lot of times I feel like an utter failure. I'm working on turning a bad night into a good day, a rough morning into a good afternoon, and a grumpy Lacy into a positive one. One day at a time.. 

xoxo,
Lacy

27 weeks!

Due date:   Aug 27, 2015

What fruit are you: Bunch of bananas

How far along:  27 weeks

Next appointment:  June 5th :)

Gender:  Boy!

Total weight gain/loss:  +/- 20 lbs 

Exercise: Horrible! Turning a new leaf this next week, I miss working out!

Stretch marks:  None (yet!)

Swelling:  nope!

Maternity clothes: Same, always on bottom and flexible on tops if they are long!

Belly button: Inny, but I have a feeling it's seeing it's last days as one! SO weird!

Sleep: Great!

Food cravings: Donuts, chips and cheese, and quesadillas on a big tortilla!

Food aversions: None
Symptoms: Heartburn at night this week, never enough to take anything but enough to bug me a bit. And I'm getting sleepy all the time again..

Movement:  Constant! But he mellows right down at night! I love him! :) His kicks make me so happy!

Labor signs: No

What I miss:  Sushi and my last Summer's body ;)

What I'm loving: Sleep! ha! Movements, and feeling good!

What I'm looking forward to: Time with my family and a big hug from Grandma Jeri.

Best moment this week: Moab! We had a blast! Big hikes, great kids, awesome friends, good food and lots of fun! Can't wait to go back next year!
 

Milestones:  Baby can recognize voices, especially mommy and daddy's! We love him SO much!

12 Weeks and Weird Feelings

So I have officially hit the 12 week mark, and little baby is still a secret. Minus Austin, of course! It's been a little bit harder, as having a baby, and pregnancy has seemed to come up A LOT lately. I feel like an awful person and liar to those who've asked if we're still trying, or if there is any news yet.. Its HARD for me to lie! I'm a little surprised ya'll haven't busted me! Other than my sister who asks nearly EVERY time I see her (for the past 2+ years) 'are you pregnant?', and every time for the last month and a half I have answered 'yes'. Albeit, sarcastically, I have said yes! Luckily she hasn't caught on yet! ;) Just a few more days and we'll finally get to share our news! I think the trickiest part for us has been the when and how.. We have so many family members and people close to us we want to tell privately and in person, but getting each of our families together, NEAR the same day, is TOUGH! With Tyler and Riley coming home so close together, we feel like it's perfect timing for big family get together's. Though one thing we've worried about is not wanting to take the spotlight off of these amazing men just returning from their missions, so hopefully we can find a good way to do it! :).

I am still feeling great! I've had no morning sickness, and the fatigue and bloat are so much better! My only issue lately has been some food aversions. Meat is the worst. Or preparing and then eating that meal? no thanks! It really happened maybe two to three times in the first 10 weeks, and the last two it's been almost constant. I've had to gag food down that I've prepared and brought for lunch because it was my only option. I've always loved leftovers and meal prepping for the week, but that may have to change for a little bit! ;) All I want is a sandwich, still.. in fact, I had Jimmy Johns today! :) I know, I know.. deli meat.. I've decided not to be paranoid about all of those little things. I understand and completely respect the concern for listeria.. But to be honest, some of that seems a little much to me. I'm just trying to do what's best for me, my body and now my baby.. and the rest of the things that are 'questionable' I will leave as that and do/eat as I see fit. Judge away! ;)

It feels nice to finally have some energy back, though by Friday's I'm pretty pooped! We started going to the gym in the mornings the last few weeks.. Now, by morning, I mean my first alarm goes off at 3:30 am.. So technically, we're getting up in the middle of the night to hit the gym! ;) It is worth it though to have the flexibility to leave the office a little later than normal, or go home and do laundry, cleaning, etc. instead of having to hit the gym first. Plus, the parking lot at 4:00 am? Empty! We don't ever have to wait for a piece of equipment so our workouts go much faster! It makes it worth it most days!

I haven't gained any weight so far which has been nice. I promised myself I wouldn't be too concerned over the pounds, but after dropping nearly 40 in the past two years, its somewhat of a mental game. That sounds incredibly selfish, right? Again, judge away! I'm working through it! This last week I have definitely felt much thicker around my stomach area though, and my smallest jeans are getting a bit tight around the belly. I'm starting to feel like I look a bit chunky.. ;) It might be time to invest in the belly band, not ready for maternity clothes just yet! ;)

This week has been a strange one for me. I've felt a lot of sadness, fear, and guilt.. For lots of reasons and some of them don't need to be named. I am definitely feeling emotional, and according to Jake I've liked picking fights lately. ;) So sorry babe! I'm trying so hard not to take the burden of life and those I love and care about on my shoulders, but huge parts of me feel it. I have friends that I absolutely adore going through fertility issues. I have friends asking to make plans in the near and far future and I've been a TOTAL flake, I have a family torn in a million different directions and a brother coming home to a completely different family dynamic, my sister/best friend going through a divorce, work is the busiest it has been in years, and we are converting to a new system in June (great!) and my boss mentioned today that I can't ever have a baby (jokingly of course!), and a 7 year old who won't stop growing up! Just lots of things weighing on my mind that I wish I could fix. I know that these people will be so happy for me and support me 110%, but a part of my heart hurts with theirs. Here I am having a baby, and they are going through all of these hard and awful things. It makes me sad!

I've also felt really alone.. Now I'm going to be BRUTALLY honest here, and as I'm typing this I haven't been able to think of the right words to say to Jake about why I've become so distant with him. I worried about this before marrying him, and its nothing HE'S done. Just my own weird woman feelings. But I kind of feel like I'm bugging him when I talk about the pregnancy lately. And really, I don't talk about it a whole lot. He rarely brings it up anymore, other than to make sure I'm eating, feeling okay, not pushing it too hard in our cycling class, etc. this is in NO way a bash on him. It's just one of those moments where I feel like he's 'been there, done that'.. and this is all so new to me. None of this makes sense to anyone else, I'm sure.. and that's okay! These are feelings I have and getting them 'out' in whatever sense I can has always been my therapy. And the truth is, he HAS been there and done that.. And without that I wouldn't have Kailee or her mom in my life and for that I am SO grateful.. But I do feel alone. Most of that, I'm sure is that no one knows yet, and now we've known for almost 8 weeks. I guess I just want to have someone I can turn to, and say 'is this normal?'. I know soon I will, and I'm really looking forward to that day! Until then, I am so thankful for Jake and how loving and caring he is, and maybe it's me who needs to open up more about it. He takes such good care of me, he really does. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was REALLY excited to have a woman to talk to about all of this! :) I guess more than alone, I feel like I'm hiding from people and situations, and that is SO not me!!  I'm normally such an open book so this has been strange!

To those of you who've asked and I've brushed it off, or straight up LIED, I'm SO sorry!! There have been many of you. I feel so guilty about it! I hope someday you all understand with the chaos in our lives, we've kind of wanted to, and needed to keep this to ourselves until we know everything is okay not just with baby, but with LIFE! Our next appointment is a week from today, and I will officially be out of that first trimester, and then I promise.. NO MORE LYING! :) I love you all, and I know you all love me too and will be so happy for us, despite what may be going on in your own lives. And for that, I can't thank you enough! It takes a big heart and a mature person to look past their own hurt and situation and be happy for someone else. So, thank you! For being patient, for being understanding and for loving us no matter what! :)

To end this what turned into quite the depressing blog post, I am beyond thrilled, elated and blessed to be pregnant with this baby! To think, God is trusting ME with a human being and to be someone's full time mommy? It still blows me away and brings a tear to my eye! I am so happy and so excited for our little family and our future! All things that are worth it, are scary! This baby will be one of the biggest blessings of so many lives, and for that, I am beyond thankful! I get butterflies every day when I look in the mirror and for the first time, feel that there is someone else with me at all times. I love the feeling I get when I'm laying in bed and I put my hand on my tummy and KNOW that there is a baby in there. Someone who will someday call me mommy, and that makes my heart happier than I could ever put in to words on a blog! I am so so so very happy and excited for the next year of life for our little family! I'm so excited for Jake to be a daddy again, for Kailee to be a big sister, for so many things! It's going to be an amazing year!!

Summer 2014

We had a fabulous Summer and were lucky enough to cross off a few items on our Family Summer Bucket List!

4th of July in Island Park
This is one of my most favorite holidays, and this year was one of the best! It wasn't our holiday with Kailee Bug, but were lucky enough to do some switching so we could take her with us! Angie is awesome! We got to spend 3 days and nights with my sweet grandparents, my dad, Uncle Brett, Linds and Joey, Brooklynn and Brody and our family friends Rhet and Ashley and their girls Cierra, Brinley and Ellerie. We had a blast! We ate lots of yummy food, played in the dirt, celebrated Brooklynn's birthday, sat around the fire, floated the Box Canyon River, spent the day in West Yellowstone and watched fireworks and watched the girls and Brod play! The kids were all so good and we were able to make lots of memories! I love my family!

Bee's Game
We finally were able to get Kailee to a Bees game! She was super excited to ride Trax, and also to see the big ball park. She had just finished playing her first year of baseball, so the timing was perfect! She was in awe of the ball park! It was fun to see her face and watch her check everything out. Of course her favorite thing ended up being the playground. ;) She had fun playing with Evan, Hayden and Graham, Maddelyn and Jaxon, and Reagan. The kids even got to run around the bases after the game, which they thought was pretty dang cool! We love our Andrus family, especially when we can find the time to do things outside of our monthly family dinners. Thanks for the fun evening guys!!

County Fair
First off, let me throw out this fun fact.. There isn't a county fair in Utah, or the West as far as I'm concerned, that can rival Box Elder County's! Not. Even. Close! We went to the SL County fair with K bug and it was such a disappointment! Well, she had fun, but it was nothing like I grew up with! I wouldn't live back in Tremonton for anything, but man that fair was fun! And huge! I really need to plan better next year and make sure we get her up that way for at least one night of the famous Rodeo! :)  Anyway, K had a great time and was silly and hyper almost the entire time! We went to see all the animals, rode a couple of rides, and Kailee rode a pony! We had a blast, and I must admit, girl looks cute on top of a horse!!

Lagoon
The annual Lagoon visit! We were lucky enough to go twice this year! Once for Kailee's dance competition and again for Jake's work Summer party. I love his G&K Friends, and the fact they'll ride the big rides with me! :) We had a blast and Ammon and Amber even joined us! Lucky ducks have season passes! The kids had fun going back and forth from the Bat to Bombora a million times, and I loved being able to do the rides I normally can't! Such a fun day! We didn't get home until after 10, and once again (for like the 3rd year in a row!), with one awesome behaved little girl! LOVE HER!

Kailee's Birthday Party
It makes the end of Summer a bit more exciting when you have a special little one to celebrate! Happy 7th Birthday K bug!! Her mom and Jason hosted a darling birthday party! It was a bubble gum party, and such a hit! They played pin the bubble on Kailee (my fave!), made bubble gum necklaces and had a bubble blowing contest! It was fun for us to see her interact with her school and neighborhood friends! She was such a ham! We also had lots of fun with her for a couple of hours on her actual day (school day) where she got sprayed with silly string walking off the bus, and at a BBQ with our families! And as per usual.. growing up WAY too fast! Kbug, please slow down!

Discovery Gateway
We had an absolute blast here! It was my first time, and I think I had just as much fun as Kailee! She LOVED being on the 'news', checking out the helicopter, playing with all of the hands on stuff, drawing on the big chalkboard, and just being a kid! Totally recommend visiting if you get a chance!

Between all of this, concerts, weekends at the pool, Ogden Temple Open House, and time as a family and couple!  We had such a great Summer filled with SO many great memories! Thanks to our family and friends for making our time together the best!