Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Happy New Year 2015! It's about to get a whole lot crazier around here!

I was late. By about a week. I just KNEW it... I woke up really early on New Years Day, and headed straight to the restroom.. I couldn't wait for Jake to wake up! I peed on the stick (TMI?) and waited for a whopping 10 seconds before the digital popped up. PREGNANT.  I remember sitting there on the toilet with my hand over my mouth and tears in my eyes.. It was a quiet moment alone I'll never forget. I sat there feeling so excited, so nervous and so very thankful! We had only been trying since the beginning of November, and I certainly didn't expect it to happen so fast. I know it doesn't for so many, and we feel incredibly thankful and blessed. I took a moment and let myself feel it all. Then I ran back to the bedroom with proof!

Jake was still sleeping peacefully, so I laid down for a moment and tried to wait for him to wake up. I think I lasted a whole 30 seconds before nudging him. He leaned over and I whispered "we're pregnant' in his ear. He quickly sat up and said 'what?!'. I showed him the test.. After reassuring him I hadn't peed on the part I was holding we hugged and just laughed and smiled for the entire morning. It was a feeling I've never felt. A total out of body experience. One of those, this can't be happening right now moments. But it was! And I wanted to soak up every moment and every emotion. From that moment on, he's been filling up my water cup as fast as he can, urging me to drink more, telling me I need to eat, encouraging naps and making sure I don't do ANY extra lifting.. ;) He's already been so amazing!

That day was a strange one.. We had Kailee later that day and half of me was just dying to tell her. The other half (and my husbands threats!) knew better. It was still way too early, and too much to risk to get her heartbroken. She was different that day. To the point I had to take a time out from her. She just wasn't her normal K bug and of course, that got my mind racing! Could she sense something was about to change? Just a little grumpy or tired? Luckily she we snapped out of it and we were able to enjoy the rest of the night as a family, and that made my heart happy! As I type this, it's still a secret, and I'm not quite sure how she'll take it. Some days I know she really wants a baby brother or sister. And other days I think that she loves our families just the way they are and its going to be a big adjustment for her. She's been the center of attention at both homes for so long, that this could very well rock her world. Will she hold resentment? Will she be so excited to be a big sister? Will she be scared of becoming "second place"? I couldn't help but feel so excited and so nervous for her. She is an amazing little girl who just continues to amaze all of us when thrown in these situations, but I still worry about her. I want her to be happy and never feel like she is anything less than our world! I know it will all work out and be okay, but it's a true concern. I know she'll be the most amazing sister and helper, that's one thing I know for sure!! I'm sure this little one will grow up feeling like they have two mommies at our house and absolutely worship Kailee bug! And that puts my heart and mind at ease. She will be such an amazing example!

There is also a weird fear that not many will understand. What if I love Kailee more? Ha. I know, it sounds funny to even say that as this little human is actually growing in my tummy and I met Kailee when she was just barely 3 years old.. But I've never felt a love like I have for Kailee.. Will it be the same? It's all so scary to think! She's been so easy and so much fun that sometimes I forget that she's still a kid we have to parent. She is that easy! I know there is no way I can get that lucky again! I mean, she was basically potty trained, and minus that first few months of getting to know each other and accidents, that was the hardest it ever was. She has always slept through the night, ate normal foods, and knew the basics. This time I have to teach all that?! It's a strange thought. And though there aren't many people who get it from my side, that's okay. I have to voice it here, because I'm sure someday I'll come back and laugh at all my crazy fears! :) But one thing I never want to forget, is how thankful I am to have Kailee in my life and I'll never take for granted all the hard days and nights that Jake and especially Angie put in to make her so special..

I have been so lucky up to this point and have felt amazing! Other than super sleepy, and sore boobies, I haven't experienced anything too bad. No morning sickness at all! (knock on wood!) I did have severe back pain before I even knew I was pregnant but luckily that has gone away. As of today my estimated due date is September 3rd. I am 7 1/2 weeks along, so this is all pretty new. I've known for just over two weeks and its a hard secret to keep! I've had to avoid situations with friends and family a lot because I want to spill the beans so bad! I know its way too early, but it doesn't make it any easier :) I know our families and friends will all be so happy and excited for us, they've been waiting a long time for this!

Side note- I mentioned my lower back pain, well it was SO bad for a good 3-4 weeks. So bad that on Sunday the 4th of January I ended up at Instacare in so much pain I thought for sure it was a kidney infection! I was so worried to take Kailee because I knew I'd have to tell them that I had tested positive and I didn't want her to hear anything, so we took her to her mom and Jason before going. I'm so glad she didn't come, because we waited 2 1/2 hours to be told that yes, I am pregnant and that is where the back pain is coming from. Who knew?! I didn't even realize that was a symptom, but apparently it is pretty common. He told me I could take Tylenol and luckily it gave me some relief. I also think that is when it really hit Jake that this was happening. Someone else, besides me saying the P word ;)

We have our first appointment on Friday, the 23rd of January which puts me at just over 8 weeks! I can't wait to have a little confirmation that we are going to be mommy and second time daddy soon! :) I know no one knows this yet, but I have to document here to read later! Its the craziest feeling and I want to remember it all! Here goes a crazy year we won't ever forget! :) Goodbye life as we knew it and hello baby!

Here is a picture from the day I found out. Happy New Years Day 2015!

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